i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
