I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
