idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
