well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
