something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
