Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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