Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
