He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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