currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
