Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
PANTIES FOUND
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
