Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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