Apparently you make a good broom.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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