I want to walk on stilts...naked
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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