I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
