nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
