i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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