I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
