Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
