I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
