every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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