if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
