I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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