Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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