guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
