is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
