I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
