remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
