dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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