dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
