Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
