Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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