good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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