So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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