Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
