The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it's like heaven, but drunker
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
