I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
