Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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