guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
