my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
