Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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