So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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