I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it hurts more in the daytime
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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