Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
