I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
