totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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