Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
