all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
