hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
