tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
