it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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