i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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