Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
