You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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