I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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