grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
