There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
