dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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