overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
